Thursday, May 6, 2010

Cycnics say Gunns Pulp Mill mill is dead? Bell Bay Ali says otherwise...exclusive interview....

According to an onsite foreman, the Tamar Valley pulp mill is on track.
His name is Muhammed and he migrated to Tasmania from Iraq.

He would not give his surname, not wanting to be identified (go figure?) and asked to be known as "Bell Bay Ali".
Here is a transcript of the interview I conducted with Bell Bay Ali -

How is the pulp mill progressing?
"There are dozers and graders everywhere! Two roads have been completed and we are on track.
We chop down all the trees and everything is on track. Bell Bay pulp mill is on schedule and it will go ahead. There is nothing holding us up now. Green lights are everywhere my friend.
We are project ready and we expect construction of the mill to start very shortly, at any moment.  Infact, I am 95.95% certain that construction of our multi billion pulp mill will begin next week.
Tomorrow i drive to the airport with Jon and Robyn and we pick up the pulp mill. It is here tommorrow.
Once this pulp mill is up and running then we will look at building another pulp mill in Tasmania. Perhaps at Sullivans Cove in Hobart. Maybe, I dont know.

What about finance?
"Finance? Huh. Kiss my bottom friends. We have finance. Too much finance. Here i give you $50. There you go, money for everyone. Yellow drinking vouchers all around. Anyhow have winfiled Aussie, aussie, aussie, oi oi oi!
Yes, plenty finance. The economics of the mill is very bloody good, but this is none of your business of course. The ANZ bank are ignorant bastards. We do not need them. We have plenty banks give us money. I have friend in Kazakhstan. He is trillionaire. He give us money, no problems".
What about those pesky greenies?
"The greenies failure is abysmal. God will roast their stomachs in hell at the hands of the pulp mill workers. The greenies want to tell the world the pulp mill is bad but they do not respect the world. They want to tell taxpayers and the public the pulp mill is smelly to keep them disbelieving.
The greens deceive with misinformation & scare-mongering. I tell you that the whining Tamar Valley greenie tourist operators will pay us when our pulp mill makes them rich. They are already surrendering.
How will you deal with them?
"Our initial assessment is that they are stupid. We will surround them with our log trucks, confuse them and then compost them. We will capture them and force feed them live animals and make them watch as we cut down the oldest tree in the forest. Then we will build the pulp mill on their bones and combie vans. We will fill them with cammomile tea, poke holes in their bellies and water our plantations with them.
We will back our lorries over their pets. We will rape their horses and ride off on their women (Muhammed asked me to mention that he meant the horses and women the other way around)
They tell lies so that they might continue with the perpetration of their crimes against the worlds greatest company.
Our company is the richest, the strongest, the geatest employer and the pulp mill is project ready. Project ready you hear!!
May the greens be accursed!

What about Bob Brown?
That bastard, the Tasmanian Senator Bob Brown. I am a better environmentalist than this villain.
The Greens, these are the environmental criminals. Tasmania can hear the warning sirens. This criminal Bob Brown is sitting in Canberra is a pathetic criminal and he and his wife Christine Mckim deserves to be beaten. In my home country we call  greenies "Tarateer"– In Iraqi slang, Tartoor means a guy full of farts (i.e. hot air).
Let the green infidels bask in their illusion. Shame on them! They will forever be shamed! They have ruined the reputation of the great Tasmanian company in the most terrible way! Shame on you! We will destroy you and I will feed Bob Brown wedge tailed eagle stew!!!”
I’m sorry to say that after that I couldnt make out what Muhammed the foreman was saying. He was foaming at the mouth and then collapsed and had some kind of grand mal seizure. The last thing I heard him say was long live king robin, death to the green infidels.


  1. Tony SaddingtonMay 6, 2010 at 6:21 PM

    It is parody, but there is an undercurrent of truth to this. Gunns borrowed $240,000 for a culvert and borrowed also another $800,000 for a road onto the mill site.
    No fluid income - woodchips sitting on wharves, no MIS scheme generating income.
    Longreach chip mill closed again from the 1st of June.
    Where will the money come from to build the worlds second biggest pulp mill?

  2. Hey Rick...keep up the work...but this interview is from someone who knows how to tell jokes. BUck and Joan